


Marital Tribbles

by usssamwell



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: As usual SMH are drama queens, Can they even go to Jerry's without making a scene?, M/M, Making AU Bitty's life more adult that his actual life, Married Couple, People are blind, Star Trek AU, Vulcan Jack, probably not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 06:35:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13094466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/usssamwell/pseuds/usssamwell
Summary: Star Trek AU where Bitty has just returned from a three year mission without seeing his husband. He is stuck at a Starfleet event instead.-After being planetside, for longer than two weeks, for the first time in three years he was expecting to kick back and spend the time with his bondmate. Somewhere warm and where no one would be able to find them. Somewhere where there was no chance they weren’t going to be attacked by some undeveloped race or poisonous fauna or even a robot that gained sentience. Just him, Jack, and a whole bunch of sun rays. However he was stuck talking to the ambassador of Meezan IV about the latest advancements in their medical research facility. There was nothing interesting to Bitty about the use of subdermal bioprobes and its potential for intergalactic transportation locking.





	Marital Tribbles

**Author's Note:**

  * For [actualkon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/actualkon/gifts).



> Secret Santa for Max aka Actualkon! Happy Holidays, Max! I stole this as a prompt from one of the talks in the discord. If it's too self indulgent let me know, honestly. I'll write you anything!!
> 
> Thanks to T for help with the title!

It was only fifteen minutes into his sixth formal event of the month and Bitty was already done. If he never had to shake hands with another living being again, alien or not, that would be perfectly fine by him. Manners be damned. After being planetside, for longer than two weeks, for the first time in three years he was expecting to kick back and spend the time with his bondmate. Somewhere warm and where no one would be able to find them. Somewhere where there was no chance they weren’t going to be attacked by some undeveloped race or poisonous fauna or even a robot that gained sentience. Just him, Jack, and a whole bunch of sun rays. However he was stuck talking to the ambassador of Meezan IV about the latest advancements in their medical research facility. There was nothing interesting to Bitty about the use of subdermal bioprobes and its potential for intergalactic transportation locking. However Ambassador Eris seemed particularly enthralled by the conversation so Bitty just had to smile and nod enough at her before he would be able to excuse himself.

No doubt Jack was somewhere conversing with someone about the new treaty over trade on Cygnet XIV or how the Vulcan Science Academy were conducting new research into some utterly boring thing. After three years of being admiral Jack was expected to do attend events such as these quite often and had gotten used to them. Bitty on the other hand had not. He had spent the last three years exploring space instead. Jack being made an admiral was absolutely amazing and his own promotion to captain had elated him. What hadn’t elated Bitty was the last three years communicating solely through PADD messages and the occasional visit during shore leave which only lasted a single week. He didn’t even get to enjoy it. Instead he had been summoned to the Samwell to run maintenance inspections with a very disgruntled Dex who hadn’t even tried to hide the hickey on his neck. There was one instant when Jack had to travel upon the Samwell in order to attend a peace conference in the Delta Quadrant and they had spent a beautiful three weeks together. Since his three year mission had been completed however Bitty had hardly seen his husband. The month spent preparing for conferences and formal events and organising his paperwork for his upcoming promotion. No time to even prepare a meal with his bondmate. They had only seen each other in passing or when the other collapsed into bed still in their uniform. So knowing Jack was out there within reaching distance was making his skin itch.

After another gruelling ten minutes talking with Ambassador Eris Bitty was able to excuse himself, introducing her to the chief medical officer aboard the USS Huang Zhong instead. Searching through the crowd Bitty started to look for his bondmate. It was hard to navigate through the sea of people, all stopping to congratulate him on his promotion to commandant of Starfleet Academy. It was when he was talking to Dr Heuqk, and a few others, about the current agricultural development on Sherman’s Planet that he felt the pulse at the back of his skull telling him that Jack had opened the bond at last and was looking for him. Finally. As he smiled at the doctor he longed for Jack to hurry up and find him.

“So, Bittle, what was it that made you accept the commandant job at the academy?” Heuqk asked, taking the conversation away from their riveting one about the benefits of quadrotriticale. “Sick of exploring the stars already?”

“Afraid not, Doctor. I wish I was still out there however the opportunity to be closer to my husband arose and I felt it would be irresponsible for me to turn it down.”

“Ah, smart man. Did you bri- Oh Admiral Zimmermann, good evening.”

“Good evening, Doctor. Everyone.” Jack replied, placing himself into the small group that had amassed. Bitty smiled up at his bondmate, glad that Jack had managed to find him after all. He could barely contain his glee from spilling over the bond, knowing he had been caught when the corner of the Vulcan’s mouth turned up. “Please continue your conversation.”

“Oh it wasn’t much, we were just asking Eric about his new promotion,” smiled the young Andronian. “He said that his spouse was a defining factor in his decision.”

Jack’s right eyebrow rose in a way that Bitty knew meant that he was smirking. Of course Jack knew the reason behind Bitty’s decision. Had spent days organising pros and cons as well as contingency plans and opportunities. However the smug look on Jack’s face meant that he was not going to let this go when they got home. “Is that so?”

“Yes well,” Bitty rolled his eyes. “You know how it is. Can’t leave him by himself for too long. He might set the apartment on fire again.”

The dignitaries around him chuckled and Bitty burst into the five minute story on how his stupid husband had tried to cook him a welcome home meal without using the replicator and had managed to set fire to the curtains. How he managed to set fire to plomeek soup is still a mystery to this day. Normally Jack was fine but apparently he had been distracted by some notification on his PADD and the rest speaks for itself. Jack stood resigned as he listened to the retelling of his mishap but Bitty could feel the pulse of amusement.

Over the remainder of the evening they continued to converse with Heuqk and the other dignitaries around them, being joined by the addition of Admiral Qek and Boal. The evening weighed heavily and Bitty was starting to feel fatigue start to wash over him. He knew Jack would be feeling the same. Having worked himself constantly the last few days, barely allowing himself time to sleep let alone meditate. After the evening was over however they had no prior engagements for the next three weeks expect maybe brunch with their friends tomorrow. That meant three weeks of doing nothing but laying in bed and maybe the occasional morning spar together. He just had to make it a few more minutes, he told himself.

“Beg us leave for the evening, my bondmate is starting to feel fatigue,” Jack announced to the group. “I fear they will collapse if this continues.”

The others began to wish their farewells to Jack, although with a somewhat confused look upon their face for some unbeknownst reason. Bitty was grateful for the chance to escape to their bed though, not wanting to stay to try and decipher their expressions. Raising his two fingers in open gesture Jack looked at Bitty, the warmth in his eyes soft and inviting. “My husband, attend.”

“Good evening, everyone. Sarah, you shall have to message me about that recipe.” Bitty smiled at the people around him before walking towards Jack to join their fingers together in the ozh’esta.

And with that they began to make their way towards the exit, although as they did so Bitty could sense confusion within Jack’s mind. Finding it best to wait until they were within their taxi or when they had arrived home for him to bring up the subject. There were much better things they could be doing with their time alone however they were out of the question tonight. Bitty barely had enough energy to stop himself leaning against Jack in the taxi. Let alone anything else. Once they entered their apartment Bitty kicked off his shoes and collapsed onto the couch, declaring loudly to the room that he never intended to move again.

“That would be most unfortunate,” Jack smiled from bedroom. “However I will take the opportunity to enjoy the lack of your cold feet against my skin.”

“Nu-huh, Mister Zimmermann! Don’t think you’re escaping that easily!” Bitty called back, rolling off the couch. It took him a few minutes to gain the energy to push himself up off the floor and into the bathroom to prepare himself for sleep. Once he had gotten dressed, an old academy shirt of Jack’s hanging on his frame, he crawled into bed, curling into the side of his bondmate.

“Just as I predicted.”

“Hmm?”

“Cold feet.”

Swotting at Jack’s chest Bitty laughed at the ridiculousness of his husband. For a race that appears so stoic he had to bond with the one Vulcan that loved to tease him beyond belief. Not that he cared much. The look that Jack would adopt in those instances was worth any 4am shift start.

“Sweetpea?”

“Yes, Ashayam?”

“Why were you confused when we said goodbye to Heuqk and the others this evening?” Bitty asked, looking up at his husband’s face. He watched as the lines of concern etched onto Jack’s face as he went about thinking how to phrase his words.

“They did not know that you and I were bonded.”

Sitting up Bitty looked at Jack in disbelief. That was impossible. They had been bonded for several years now. The paperwork had been submitted, the notice posted, the way that they always were together; how did people not know that they were bonded? They never kept it a secret. Making sure to follow regulations in order to avoid scandal and to make sure that procedure was followed. “That can’t be!”

“And yet I heard Admiral Boal exclaim, as we departed, how they did not know that we were bonded to one another,” Jack frowned. “Logic dictates that the joint Christmas card we sent them indicated that of Terran couple tradition.”

“Apparently not.” Bitty chuckled, leaning back to rest himself against Jack. “Wait until we tell the guys tomorrow at brunch. Shitty is going to give himself a stitch laughing.”

Humming in agreement Jack made a move to turn the lights off on the side of the bed before reaching down to press a soft kiss to Bitty’s lips.

“Goodnight, Ashayam.”

“Goodnight, Jack.”

* * *

 

Leaving the house together, at ten standard time, Jack and Bitty made their way towards the little cafe near the bay they were often fond of visiting. They had an excellent selection of Vulcan tea that was near impossible to find throughout the rest of San Francisco. They opted to walk to the cafe, wanting to enjoy their isolated time together for as long as possible. They loved their friends, and once the day was over they would have the rest of the coming days to themselves, but it still felt as if they were too far away from each other still. They were the first to arrive at Jerry’s retro dinner, set up in the old 21st century Earth style, and picked one of the booths for themselves.

The others slowly began to trickle in: first was Shitty, closely followed by Lardo and then Holster and Ransom. By the time everyone had finally arrived Bitty was already on his second latte, avoiding the tea Jack had offered as much as possible. Once everybody had ordered they spent the time catching up and swapping stories of their returns back home. Ransom has been offered a new CMO position upon another scientific vessel and was preparing to sort out his effects in time for the new year. Holster was following after him, as expected, but seemed nonchalant about the entire thing. Bitty shook his head in laughter as the two bickered about the importance of unpacking when they were only leaving in a few weeks again anyway.

Lardo was remaining on Earth, having taken a private sector job from Camilla. They pair had been scheming since the day they met on the Samwell and Bitty felt sorry for anybody that dared get in their way but he was glad he would be able to see his friend more often. Plus it might be able to stop Shitty from sulking around the place. Jack had send him many messages about how Shitty was mourning the loss of his Lardo. Although Jack had reminded him that Shitty didn’t need to leave the Samwell in the first place. Shitty had just barrelled into Jack, laughing as much as humanly possible, and declaring that nothing in the universe could tear Shitty away from Jack’s magnificent Vulcan ass. After all even admirals need secretaries. Jack spent the time sitting in the booth, observing the scene. Mildly amused by the enthusiastic conversation his friends were all having.

The guys asked loads of questions to Bitty about his new job, if he had gone steer crazy yet being planet bound. He laughed them all off then did admit that he felt daunted by the workload he had taken on. He remembers what it was like as a cadet himself and actually being in charge of over 60,000 of them now actually terrified him. Just now he wanted to sit with his friends and his husband and pretend the outside world no longer existed.

After food had been and gone they settled into a steady flow of exchanging stories and teasing. Shitty was recalling the story of how Jack had come face to face with the new diplomat from Russia and how, somehow, Jack had ended up being part of elaborate prank involving whipped cream and a fuming fleet admiral Martin. Although already hearing the story before Bitty couldn’t help but laugh himself to tears. Remembering the photo Jack had sent him afterwards where Jack’s uniform was covered in whipped cream. Bitty had saved that as his PADD background for a good three weeks.

“Speaking of stories wait ‘til you hear what happened last night,” Bitty said once the laughter had calmed down. “So we were talking with Dr Heuqk, the one that’s working on colonising Sherman’s planet? Which wasn’t that interesting, I know more about that grain now than I know my own Mama, but whatever. Well when we were walking away you overheard the strangest thing didn’t you, Sweetheart?”

“Yes.”

“They didn’t know Jack and I are bondmates! Can you believe it?” Bitty laughed, leaning close to Jack. “I mean we’ve only been married for five years!”

Whilst Bitty laughed the entire table remained silent. All staring at the two of them with wide eyes. _Oh heavens,_ Bitty thought, _what now?_

“Wait, let me get this straight,” Lardo started steadily. “You two are married? Like the whole telepathic bond, silly piece of paper with signatures framed in the living room married? For five whole years?”

“Yes?” Replied Jack and Bitty, both looking equally confused as their friends.

“And you’ve only decided to tell us all now?”

“Wait… you guys didn’t know we were bonded?”

“NO!” Everyone cried, suddenly bursting into asking probing questions and barely given them time to reply. Jack and Bitty instead conversed within their mind as their friends rambled on, wondering how their friends had been so blind to their relationship. All of them had been witness to their relationship in some way, shape or form. How could they have not noticed? The two of them were perplexed by it all. The dignitaries at the party they could somewhat understand. It’s not like their bonding had made international news but they had thought they made it obvious to their friends. They always shared a room on the ship and they touched constantly. Well, they couldn’t really count that one. Shitty touched Jack more than Bitty did sometimes. Never on the hand though. Did they really think they were just that close? And what about the ceremony? Or the cards and the parties? The fact they lived together? Surely they didn’t dismiss the family events with Jack’s parents or his own?

“Honestly how did you not all notice? We’ve been all over each other the entire time.” Bitty sighed, shaking his head at his ridiculous friends. “I messaged Jack constantly on our last mission!”

“We just thought you were close!”

“Yeah,” interjected Holster. “And to be honest, Bits, we thought you were just pining.”

“And what about myself? How did you not notice my emotions towards Bittle?” Jack asked.

“Probably ‘cause you still call me Bittle,” his husband snorted. “Honestly, darling, it’s ridiculous. Plus I’m only Bittle because S’Wek T’Dess-Zimmermann-Bittle is too much of a mouthful.”

“I am 67.895% more expressive when within your company. It is illogical that our friends would not notice such an increase.”

“Only 67.895? And here I was thinking I was your t’hy’la!” Bitty teased, hitting Jack lightly on the arm. Jack smiled in response, offering his two fingers out for Bitty who returned the affection immediately.

“My lord.”

“They’re-”

“I know.”

“How did we ever-”

“I don’t know.”

“You guys are ridiculous. We never hid it from you.” Bitty rolled his eyes, turning to look at Shitty. “You were at the ceremony on Vulcan, Shits.”

“That’s what that was!?!” Shitty exclaimed, almost jumping up from his seat. Luckily Lardo managed to hold his arm to stop anything from going flying.

“I was dressed in ceremonial robes and had you prepare the declaration to Starfleet, Shits.” Jack stared at Shitty, raising his eyebrow in query. “Why did you believe the matriarch of my clan was present during the ceremony?”

Shitty just shrugged. “Vulcans, dude! I thought it was some mad rite of passage shit or something. Like a best friend pact. I was upset for weeks you didn’t do one with me!”

“B. SHITTY KNIGHT, is that why you didn’t speak to me for a whole week after?” Bitty frowned before falling into hysterics along with everyone else at the table. “Sweetheart, our friends are absurd!”

“I agree,” Jack smiled.

After everyone had calmed down the rest of brunch was spent relaying the history of their relationship to the others. How they had gotten together in the first place after some stressful landing party failure and the many times the guys had almost caught them. Little things that happened when they were courting like the transported gifts into quarters and the PADD notes. The time Jack had answered a call from his father wearing a, much too small, yellow shirt that definitely did not belong to him. Why Bitty was once approximately 4.23 seconds late for his shift once with one of the old regulation yellow turtleneck shirts on instead of his captain’s wrap. Honestly it was ridiculous they hadn’t noticed it ages ago and missed out on all of the teasing they could have been doing instead. Regardless of how utterly blind, and ridiculous, they were Bitty loved his friends.

When it came time to part ways they said goodbye to their friends and began the long walk back to their apartment. Allowing themselves to fall into a steady pace, both in no rush to get back home. The breeze was gentle against their skin. They laughed about their oblivious friends, jokingly accusing the other of keeping it a secret. Bitty was already planning their next anniversary and wondered how one would go about placing an advert on all of the shuttle buses in the area. Looking up at his husband, the sun haloed around Jack’s head and Bitty thanked the heavens that he was finally home. If you had asked Bitty when he joined the Samwell if this would be his future, walking along the San Francisco Bay with his soulmate ex-captain, he would have dismissed you immediately. Back then the thought of spending a shift with Jack was daunting to Bitty, let alone a lifetime, but now they had the rest of their lives together. Sure San Francisco wasn’t the greatest. It wasn’t amongst the stars but it was where it seemed he had always been and always would be. At his t’hy’la’s side.

**Author's Note:**

> If you need it a giant glossary is below! If you want to know anything else, let me know.
> 
>  
> 
> _Meezan IV _\- the fourth planet in it's star system, know for holding medical conferences__  
>  _subdermal bioprobes _\- medical devices that can record data of the subject but can be used as a homing beacon and isolated transporter lock__  
>  _Cygnet XIV _\- fourteenth planet in its system, female dominated__  
>  _Vulcan Science Academy _\- the establishment on Vulcan which carries out all scientific research planet bound and in space, well renowned throughout the universe__  
>  _PADD _\- Personal Access Display Device, a handheld computer interface__  
>  _Delta Quadrant _\- a star system__  
>  _Bondmate _\- the Vulcan way of marriage, literally a forming of the minds__  
>  _USS Huang Zhong _\- an actual ship, was eventually destroyed in war__  
>  _Commandant of Starfleet _\- Someone in charge of the day to day life and activities of the cadets at Starfleet Academy, San Francisco__  
>  _Sherman's Planet _\- ownership of the planet was debated over and was decided that whoever could develop it effectively had ownership (famously seen in Trouble With Tribbles)__  
>  _Quadrotiticale _\- A hybrid of wheat and rye it is a high yield perennial grain which can grow in difficult climates__  
>  _Andronian _\- a species of alien, noted for the blue skin, white hair and antennae__  
>  _Plomeek soup _\- a popular dish on Vulcan, traditionally a morning meal, it is bland in taste although spice can be added. It is made from the plomeek root native to Vulcan__  
>  _Ozh'esta _\- Vulcan kiss, finger embrace – touching the index and middle fingers between bondmates and/or t'hy'la__  
>  _Ashayam _\- Vulcan for "Beloved"__  
>  _Terran _\- something relating to Earth__  
>  _CMO _\- Chief medical officer__  
>  _T'hy'la _\- A Vulcan word literally translated to "friend, brother, lover__  
>   
>  S'wek T'Dess-Zimmermann is Jack's surname in Standard (although his full name would be written S'wek-T'Dess-Zimmermann Mestral Jack if in Standard) S'wek meaning "out of solitude" and T'Dess meaning "lady of the north". Mestral means "one who crosses the galaxy".  
>   
> If we are being technical though Jack's full name in Vulcan Gothic would be: S'awek T'sai desh-rak-Zimmermann Mes-Tor ye-halek Jack (and yes, Bitty can pronounce it all).  
> 


End file.
